Monday, 5 August 2019

Nothing Ever Really Ends - Thoughts About The Final Season of Supernatural

It’s the final season of Supernatural. The final year. The final page to this chapter of this story. There has already been so much final talk. It’s final this and final that, and I wonder how I will take another nine months of this.

It’s already been an emotional year.

I was at Vegascon. The first con after the final season announcement. There were tears. On stage and in the audience. It’s not that the fans asked the questions, it was that Jensen and Jared gave the answers. Like they needed to talk about it, and we were the first group of fans they’d seen since announcing they were hanging up their boots.

I did Jensen’s meet and greet and cried. It was always going to happen. Talking about Dean’s journey with Jensen and both of us being so thankful for it…how could I not tear up. How could he not tear up? That meet and greet was all about the end. But once again, that was Jensen. Like he needed to talk about it.

I was at Chicago con a couple of weeks later, and thankfully, the subject of the imminent final year barely came up! That con was full of another kind of emotion. There was a freak snow storm and flight cancellations. I was on a rollercoaster. I was on my own and exhausted from a long holiday. Then my flight out of Chicago got cancelled, meaning I couldn’t make my flight home to Sydney. In amongst this trauma, Jensen and Jared decided that this would be the con they’d call me by my name. It was Amy this, Amy that. I nearly laughed out loud when Jensen greeted me at the autos with a hollered, drawn out, AMYYYYYYYYYYY. The fact that he blew me a kiss and told me he loved me just kind of ended me. I was already on the edge. His kindness pushed me over. I cried a lot in my hotel room that night. About my show. About my guys. About who I’d be without this thing in my life. About being stuck 9000 miles from home. About the friends and strangers who reached out to help and comfort me.

I was in Melbourne when the boys came here. Yes, I asked them a question about the end. Sorry. They tortured me over it. Poking fun at me mercilessly. Thanking me for bringing down the mood. It went on and on. Bless their hearts. But they answered honestly. Eventually. I hugged them every which way I could that weekend, because I feel the need to hang on to them right now. Hang on tight. Like they’re slipping away from us….

I was in San Diego, at Comic Con for their final panel. The final Supernatural Comic-Con panel. I was anxious all weekend. I was terrified something would happen and I wouldn’t be there. I was stressed and fretting. I don’t know how my friends put up with me. But they did. And there I was. In amongst the nearly 7000 people. There to celebrate this thing we all love so very, very much. I cried. A lot. When they came on stage. When they cried. When they couldn’t talk for crying. When my friends were crying. When they got a standing ovation. When they left that stage for that last time. I cried. So many tears. Then my friends and I all went for food. But mostly drinks. And we all cried some more. I think we were crying sad tears for the loss of something so monumental in our lives, and how scared we were about what that means, but also happy tears, for ever having had it, and for having each other. In that moment, one of the shiniest moments of my life, my gratitude just kept running down my face. I will always be thankful for that day.

Now I sit in my home, reading the quotes from the last Supernatural TCA panel. It’s final this and final that, and I wonder how I will take another nine months of this. But then I think about what Jensen said, “This is a long journey that I don't think is ever going to be over…”

It is a long journey. It’s the best of journeys. From that Monday night in 2006, when Supernatural first aired in Australia, to now and on into the future. The best of journeys. A journey through a story that has both lifted me up and crushed me. A story that has led me all over the world. On road trips through Texas, up Mount St Helens, down the waterways of Chicago in freezing sleet, up mountainsides in Vancouver, to the beaches of Hawaii, and next year, the grandeur of Rome. A story that has brought into my world so many friends. The best of friends. The kind that understand me on a level most people never will. The kind that reach out to me when I’m hurting, even if we’ve never met in person. The kind that will forgive me when I rant, will hold me when I cry, will make me laugh until my drink comes out of my nose. The kind that knows how to sit silently with me, because we don’t need words to connect what’s between us.

This story, this epic story has changed my life and the trajectory of my life in ways that sometimes I can’t even fathom. This spectacular story. It has opened my heart and my mind. It has brought a world of diversity into my world. A world of charity. A world of creativity. I am better for this story. In every possible way.

So how do I say goodbye? How do I say goodbye to the defining experience of my life? How do I ever let it go? I don’t. Because there are no goodbyes. These characters, they will always be with me. In my mind. On my TV. Alive in my soul. Their hearts beating in mine. These friends, they will always be with me. They are lifelong friends. They are forever. These actors, they will always be with me. I will follow their paths, where ever it takes them. I will champion them until the end of my days. Because they deserve that. Because they gave me so much. These memories. These beautiful, rich, and magnificent memories, they will always be with me. They will carry me through my future, with the downs it’s bound to bring, and the ups that will come along with them. Golden, emotion dripped memories. The memories that are still being made.

I have learned so much in the last 14 years. About myself, about people, about love, about loss, about the world, and one thing has been ingrained into my very being… Endings are hard, but then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?

We'll carry this precious cargo with us every, single day.

It’s going to be a tough year of final this and final that, but I feel so blessed to feel so sad about this au revoir.

-sweetondean (AKA Amy)

Thursday, 24 January 2019

Dean Winchester 40 at 40 - A Celebration in Pictures


I could write something about Dean Winchester. 
About how much he means to me. About what a spectacular character he is. 
A brother, a son, a friend, a hero, and everything in between. 
A complex man who continues to reveal facets of his rich and complicated personality. 
I could write about how he fills my heart and soul and how I've never loved a character as much as I love him. 
 How his voice feels like home and his very existence in the Universe makes it a better place.
How his rare happy moments make my heart soar and his every tragedy breaks it.
I could write about how he means the world to me, and how for me he's as real as the wonderful man who plays him.
I could write about all these things and so much more.
But I don't think I could ever do this man, or my feelings for him, justice.
So instead I offer up a pictorial celebration. 40 photos of Dean for his 40th.

Happy Birthday, Dean Winchester, you magnificent human.


Friday, 16 November 2018

sweetondean's Light on Spoilers Heavy on Squee Preview of Supernatural 14x06 "Optimism"

  1. 1.
    hopefulness and confidence about the future or the success of something.

     2.  thing seldom associated with the TV Show Supernatural.

Welcome to the preview for episode 14x06, the ironically title, "Optimism".  I bet that's a title you never thought you'd see on a Supernatural episode! What's a bet we are left emotionally bereft! I do not trust the show using this word!

Anyhoo...where were we?

Sammy is head honcho hunter
Mary and Bobby are boom chica wah wah


Here is the (probably lying liar that lies) synopsis

WHAT WE DO FOR LOVE - “Sam and Charlie team up to get to the bottom of a string of random disappearances. Meanwhile, Jack believes that he has found a case and convinces Dean to partner-up with him on the hunt. Richard Speight Jr. directed the episode written by Steve Yockey.”

So, Rich last directed episode 2 and Steve Yockey last wrote 13x09 Funeralia.

And I'm just gunna say it.... YAY ANOTHER RICH EP!

I'm also gunna say this... this episode sounds ADORABLE!

For a start with get Charlie back! Okay we don't really, this is AU Charlie and she is going to be different and it's probably going to be a bit weird, because the AU people are a tad weird, but we do get Felicia back and that's super cool! And we get AU Charlie hunting with Sam, and I always loved Sam and Charlie together because of the geek element they shared, and I'm sure AU Charlie is going to be a bit geeky, though probably not Moondoor geeky because angel bombs and spikes!

And Dean is going to be hunting with Jack and we all know how much Jack wants Dean to validate him. Right from the get go, Jack was emulating Dean and just wanting Dean to like him. Now they have a much better relationship (wouldn't be hard) and Dean and Jack have become closer. Dean has given him advice and been there to help Jack understand a lot of the lessons Dean struggled with, and you can see what Dean thinks of Jack is super important to Jack. So yay!


Me when I see Jack

Okay...let's look at the promo!

It looks fun! Did Sam something about a Man/Fly hybrid??? I want to see the Man/Fly hybrid! Also, is this the episode that Jared said there was a spit scene? I thought maybe, not sure, Jared has huge issues with spit though! And there's goo! WHAT IS HAPPENING though is an appropriate response!

So is this going to be a fun episode? Are these more Michael monsters?

Let's look at the sneak peek!

Dean should be used to Jack's behaviour because it's very early days Cas! Seriously though, Jack is so clean shaven and wide eyed! I hope this all goes okay! I really want this to be a good experience for him! I'm really looking forward to Dean dealing with the innocence of Jack!

I wonder how it works out that Sam goes off to hunt with Charlie without Dean, leaving Dean to go on a hunt with Jack? I'm interested to know how this pans out. I remember reading that Jack found a hunt, and he asks Dean to go with him. However it happens, pretty sure I will love it, and whatever happens, pretty sure Optimism isn't going to be an overarching feeling!


Now, I have no idea what's going on here...but here are the pics on Andrew Dabb's tonight on Supernatural tweets! Hero Jack? Lord knows!!!

Okay guys, that's all the crazy for this week!

Enjoy the ep!


For my review of last week's episode, click here

Thursday, 15 November 2018

Review: Supernatural 14x05 "Nightmare Logic" - What Horror Lies Within!?

-by sweetondean

I’m not going to lie, “Nightmare Logic” gave me an ache in my tummy, but it gave me an ache in the best possible way! It was a great, big, emotional rollercoaster with ups and downs and a bit of screaming…at my telly! Okay, my laptop, because I was travelling again! The episode left thinking, OMGGGG WHAT THE HELL …WHAT JUST HAPPENED!? Like seriously. I might have even whimpered a little. I definitely yelled on Twitter! Despite the anxiety it left me with, I absolutely love it. It moved at a rate of knots, the Sam and Dean interactions were amazing, as were their interactions with the other players. These men. I’m so proud of the humans they’ve become. There was also so much conflicting emotion around Bobby and Mary, which is exactly how the boys must be feeling, and I like that I was feeling my feels through what I felt Sam and Dean must feel! Relating to the characters in such a way makes the emotional impact all the more, well, impactful! But more on that later!

From season to season Sam and Dean’s roles go back and forth, both in support of each other and in leadership. It’s always been that way, and it’s something I’ve always loved. In the last episode, “Mint Condition”, it was Sam trying to lead Dean out of a funk, finding a hunt he knew his brother would love and then offering his support and a gentle nudge to get Dean to look forward. In “Nightmare Logic” it was Dean who had Sam’s back, complimenting him on his ideas, like the bodycam for all the newbie AU Hunters, and being openly impressed with Sam’s leadership and management of them. Reassuring Sam, encouraging him, trying to get him to rest, and of course, defending him.

I’ve been loving Sam and Dean so damn much these last couple of episodes (well, all the time, but you know what I mean.) It’s like they’re in peak brother mode with their level of caring and openness, and it goes back to what I keep harping on about with the trust and comfort between them. It truly is what I’ve always hoped they would achieve, through all the horrible animosity that kept popping up, through bad ideas and perceived and literal betrayals. Who they are now with each other, the closeness of their relationship, and yet the independence they still show as individuals within that relationship is pretty much how my Winchester rose coloured glasses was seeing them way back when, except now I see that where they are at this moment, is a much more powerful place! The stronger together thing has set let resin in their blood and I just can’t see them being pulled apart again. Personally, I like that. I’ve always said we can have conflict and drama in their relationship without having deep anger and hurt. To be honest, it’s more interesting seeing them take each other into account and working to be present in their relationship. Their maturity emotionally (and physically quite frankly) has been a beautiful thing to bear witness to.

Sam has taken on the role of leader of the rag tag group of AU peeps who are now becoming hunters and is doing it with his usually commitment and massive heart. He cares so much, wants to protect all of them, and feels a deep responsibility to these people he helped to bring into this world. Why they want to be hunters I don’t know! I’d be so out of there looking at the pretty world or getting a nice quiet job in town where there weren’t angel bombs or spikey things coming out of the ground! I know they need all hands on deck for Michael, and Michael destroyed their world and they want him dead, but, um. I mean, I guess looking at the gloriousness that is Sam and Dean may make hunting seem glamorous in a male model kind of way, but, it would be a big NOPE from me! Sam though, has managed to rally these people and organise them, and in his Sammy way, killing himself trying to do it!

I twigged it was a Djinn as soon as Sam found Maggie connected to that rig, as did Dean when he saw the rig downstairs, it was similar to what he was hooked up to in, “What Is and What Should Never Be’, and getting that call back to a season 2 episode was amazing. That was an episode that looked at the price of hunting, the strength of family and the sacrifices made for both those things; themes that are consistent throughout the series and were at the heart of “Nightmare Logic”.

Dean’s conversation with Sasha about her father was particularly poignant, it was something Dean completely understood, along with her reticence to share, yet how much she needed to share, her feelings. To hear Dean saying that every day he tries to put the past behind him is both heartbreaking and uplifting. Of course, Michael and his atrocities are fresh in Dean’s mind, but Dean also has decades of hurt and pain and guilt riding on those broad shoulders. His choice to focus forward instead of back speaks a lot to who Dean is now, as does his ability to see himself as a good force in the world and in the lives of the people he loves, not just the killer he was believed himself to be. 

I loved how Dean responded to Sasha, so open and straightforward, no pandering, just clear and heartfelt advice, and I love how he treated Sam throughout, not allowing Sam to blame himself, not allowing Sam to slide into defeat, bolstering him up, telling Sam he did this, he was the reason they got Maggie back safely, and he was the reason she wanted to hunt again, “She learned from the best”. Sam’s shy smile at his big brother’s compliment literally killed me. I’m writing this from my grave. So much growth in these guys! GUH!

Then we had Bobby’s attack on Sam. Boo. Here’s what I think about Bobby, he’s supposed to make us feel a little confused and uncomfortable, because that’s exactly how the brothers would be feeling about him. It must be incredibly confusing for the boys having AU Bobby in their life. He looks like Bobby and sounds like Bobby, except he’s not their Bobby. He doesn’t have any history with the boys, he doesn’t know their faces like they know his, he doesn’t see them as familiar as they would see him. They are strangers to him, and really, he’s a stranger to them too, except there he is, looking and sounding exactly like a man they dearly loved. It would be easy for Sam and Dean to mistakenly fall into old feelings in this new relationship. It would be easy for them to think they have Bobby back. I can see how they could get into an easy groove with him, and then get startled out of it when AU Bobby is not as Bobbyesque as they were expecting. It must be hugely challenging, emotionally and intellectually. I understand all this because I’m going through it too! (Of course, I have the added emotional connection to Jim Beaver.) I hated what Bobby said to Sam, how you saw Sam practically wince. I did love Dean arching up though! I was so excited for AU Bobby, because Bobby! Now I’m understanding, I don’t know who he really is, and neither do the boys.

I’m glad we got a bit of AU Bobby’s background and a glimpse at the damage that he has gone through to make him into this man we are now getting to see. I’m also glad he’s found someone in Mary. At the recent Vancouver convention, during something I was saying to Jensen, I said, “And Mary and Bobby… you know” (I practically wink winked nudge nudged), and he looked at me confused, and I said, “You know something, something is going on there”, (I practically boom chica wah wah’d), and Jensen looked at me and did this faked shocked thing, and I said “Oh right, you’ve been away being Michael so you’ve not seen it”, and he said “GOOD!” all mock grossed out!! It’s even funnier now I see Mary and Bobby have gone off to Donna’s, henceforth to be known as, Garden Gnome Love Shack! Going off to give Bobby a break…a-ha, sure guys. The brothers must be so weirded out by it all!

Mary is the conundrum she has always been. I adored her chat in the forest with Sam, I love them spending any time together because I know that was something Sam missed out on and craved so much. It was funny when she caught herself having a relationship chat with her grown son, that she had to remind herself she he probably doesn’t need to know all this. It was also interesting how she remembers John, compared to the John Sam and Dean know, and it’s a persistent reminder that her experience is profoundly different to theirs. She has memory of man she spent many years with (on earth and in heaven), before he became the John Winchester who hunted and raised his boys as warriors. Sam saying, “My dad?” absolutely gobsmacked is reminder of the disconnect that Mary must still feel in this new world, and the disconnect her sons must still feel with her. Mary is complex, and I don’t always like her decisions, but I do appreciate her as a character that is always challenging.

As for the boys, well, their looks as Bobby and Mary walked up the stairs kind of spoke volumes. Like they are resigned to their mother not always being there. Resigned to the way their mum panned out. They’re letting her live her life her way, because they have to respect what she wants, even if that might hurt (like I think it must if they allow themselves to think on it), and really, what choice do they have? It is what it is. The scrubbing of the face, Sam’s nervous smile at Dean, and the look they finally exchanged once the door had closed. Yup…

“Nightmare Logic” left us all anxious and wondering what the hell the Djinn saw in Dean. Is it just that Dean’s nightmares are so horrific that even a monster can’t handle them? Is it that Michael has done something to Dean that wards of monster attempts. Is it that Michael has done something awful to Dean that the Djinn saw, or, was it that Michael….is still in Dean. Any of this is dreadful, but the thought that Michael is still inside Dean, hiding out, is such a hideous violation it makes my skin crawl…it will devastate Dean, and I’m not prepared for that. I will always go back to Michael telling Dean he owns him. There’s more to that. I don’t think Dean is in the clear and I’m dreading it playing out.

I loved this episode, it was a taut mystery, nicely shot by new director Darren Grant, and with beautiful draw characterisations, by Meredith Glynn, especially those of Sam and Dean. Seeing Sam take the leader role and seeing Dean gently watching and supporting Sam every step of the way has been such a joy. Like I said earlier, the to and fro in Sam and Dean’s relationship has always been one of my favourite things. Even with everything going on, there’s a lightness to Dean I’m enjoying, almost like allowing himself to let go and let Sam take the reins for a bit has released something in him. He’s got a lot happening, a lot of vulnerability post Michael, a lot he’s trying to move through, and knowing his brother has got this must be a huge comfort to Dean and is obviously a point of pride. He looks so proud of Sam, and Sam knows it. Love just quietly beams out of those two, and it’s a delight! Awwww, I gave myself feels!