Sunday, 8 October 2017


Honestly, I meant to write up the season 12 finale straight after it happened, I truly did, but then I got busy, and then it got further and further behind me, and then I started my EPIC HELLATUS REWATCH, and then I thought… ”well hell, let’s write it up just before season 13…like my very own ROAD SO FAR!” Heh. So here I am!

For the first time in a quite a while, this hiatus I did a full series rewatch. I used to do a full rewatch every hiatus, but then the show kept going and going and going and there were more and more episodes and it got more and more daunting! I’d watch full seasons, favourite eps, lots and lots of Supernatural, but the full season rewatch, I probably hadn’t done since METATRON KILLED DEAN AND I WAS CATATONIC FOR 3 MONTHS! I still can’t write this without excessive use of caps.

As always, it was super interesting going back and watching the Supernatural story unfold, being privy to all that would happen to the Winchesters further down the track. But what really interested me was how some of the seasons that had always been my go-to seasons, when watching them this time around as part of today’s big picture, now made me feel REALLY BIG FEELS! 

I had always said that seasons 4 and 5 were my favourite seasons. I loved the story that rolled out, the standalone episodes and the mytharc, and the brothers' epic fight against Lucifer and the apocalypse. But what I found interesting as I tackled my epic rewatch, was how traumatic I now found these seasons to be! Yes, sure, they were always traumatic, I knew they were chockerblock full of pain, yes they always hurt, these were the seasons where the fractures between the brothers really started, and some of the worst conflicts between the boys and some of the most feely moments live in seasons 4 and 5…but, oh my gosh…MY HEART! I was actually shocked at how devastating I found these two seasons, and how hard I found them to watch! I had been watching a few episodes each night, but half way through season 5, I took a little hiatus of my own… FROM THE PAIN!

But like the Winchesters I picked myself up, soldiered on and steadied myself for Swan Song, which is still one of my favourite episodes, moved through on to 6 and Exile on Main Street which is one of my favourite season premieres. I enjoyed season 6 a lot more than I remembered. I loved exploring Dean in another kind of relationship, seeing different elements of him revealed through his new situation. I loved all the soulless Sam stuff, but was so crazy happy when it was done, and I liked seeing the Campbells, because it really seemed to reinforce the notion of just because you’re blood doesn’t make you family, which is something that comes up again and again for all our characters in later seasons. I was just as shocked as ever by Cas’ betrayal of Sam, his terrible hubris…this was the first time we saw Cas making catastrophic errors of judgement. Man, the episode where they figure out that Cas has been spying on them is so damn powerful…the slight shifts in all their faces, stellar performances from Jensen, Jared and Jim. Then through to the season finale that pretty much focused on Cas... As much as I love Cas and love him being part of our story I realised that I feel finales should centre on the Winchesters and their eternal struggle, and this one seemed to stray off point. I think that was the only finale that didn’t work so well for me, though all the Sam stuff was AMAZING. 

Onwards I watched through 7 and the tragedy of Bobby (and those Leviathan...meh), and then on to 8 and that spectacular ending with the brother’s pledge to each other - once again, their bond, for better or worse trumping everything else…

And it was around here that it truly hit me, why I found the earlier seasons, always my emotional favourites, far harder to watch this time around, because from the end of 8 onwards the brothers started a new trajectory. A new trajectory that took them to where we found them at the end of season 12, firmly together, shoulder to shoulder, having put so much behind them, having waded through so much crap. We’ve seen them make it through to the other side. They are finally where I always tried to convince myself they already were. And seeing them struggle with trust and belief in each other, in their role in the Universe, in the job, their job satisfaction, their destiny and everything in between, hurts more now than it did before, because they have finally (for the most part) conquered all of that. Sure, it could also be that these men have been a profoundly important part of my existence for 12 years and are very much part of my cellular makeup now, but seeing them battle through and overcome so much, and then going back and seeing them battle through it all over again, really, really hurt!

And as much as season 9 had some catastrophic challenges for the brothers, in the end it forged them closer together through the emotional fire they had to traverse.

And 264 episodes later, I now will tell you that seasons 9 and 10 are my favourite seasons, with some of my all time favourite episodes living in the these later seasons. What show can say that? Most shows by that stage are treading water, but as I see it, this show has got better, and continues to do so. It’s got stronger. The relationships are more powerful, the story has got deeper and sure, sometimes more challenging, but good storytelling should challenge, especially if you are committed to it and the characters heart and soul.

To hear Dean tell Sam, all that ever mattered is that they’re together, to hear both Sam and Dean admit to, and show pride in their part in the continuation or humanity and the world - basically admitting to being great big heroes - to witness Sam become the leader he was always destined to become, and Dean to see, support and encourage him, to witness Dean own and shed buried guilt we didn’t even know he had, to see them both understand and acknowledge what they did in the past to hurt each other and their relationship and openly seek to try to do things differently, and to see them do all these things together, truly together, has made the journey so rewarding, because we want to see the Winchesters grow and learn and not always make the same mistakes over and over (though no doubt they will make them again), and we want to see them win, even if it's only in the comfort of their own relationship...oh who am I kidding, MOSTLY THAT! 

And my epic hiatus rewatch journey was made all the more epic and rewarding and wonderful because of where I knew we were heading. Through every lie and betrayal, through every misstep and miscommunication, I knew that those experiences would eventually colour their world and their partnership in a positive way, that they would eventually look around and SEE who and what they had and stop fighting it every step of the way, and we would find our Sam and Dean where we find them now…or rather then…at the end of season 12…which brings me to the finale! FINALLY!

Every time our boys get even just the tiniest bit comfortable, their world is ripped out from under them, because their fate is to always battle and struggle and grind on, that is the tragedy of their existence, and the churning guts of this story, the Winchester’s struggle and fight for everything that means something to them.

For this reason, we should have seen it coming I guess, all the death and devastation, our boys cannot have nice things. They can not have even a modicum of contentment. Dean spoke about how they had lost everyone…their mum, Cas…in Who We Are, and then in the finale, they had them back, fighting together at their sides. We should have seen it coming, because the Winchesters can’t be that lucky. Ever.

But that doesn’t mean the level at which their equilibrium was laid waste was any less shocking.

Rowena. We should have seen this coming for sure. She’s got away with too much too long, at some stage it had to bite her on her teeny weeny butt….but please, please let that spell inside of Rowena be flame retardant, because I had grown to adore that character, and I want her alive causing trouble and flirting with Samuel. And if she is to die, I don’t want it to be off screen - though I sure as hell did not want to see that death. I just can’t believe she’s truly gone, even though she looks irretrievable. Every time I watch the episode I can’t resolve the fact that she might have met her end that way.

Crowley. We should have seen this coming too. He made such a mistake with Lucifer. He let those emotions that have been bubbling up inside him since the end of season 8, take control. He was driven by his need to win…but not in the sense we are used to with Crowley, but in the sense that he needed to win to feel good about himself and his job. Like so many others, his relationship with the Winchesters affected him in such a way that he was changed by it in his very core. Old Crowley would not have allowed his need to get revenge to overcome his common sense, but emotional Crowley, with a mum and people he thought of as family (even if he shouldn’t have), did…and in the end, it cost him everything. As soon as he said, “Whenever there's a world-ending crisis at hand, I know where to place my bets. It's on you, you big, beautiful, lumbering piles of flannel”, we should have known…and I probably did…though I thought he’d somehow wiggle his way out of it, Crowley style! But as it turned out, Crowley basically became one of the people he warned people about - those who follow the Winchesters to their inevitable death! 

But Crowley’s death to me, felt like a good death. It felt like the conclusion to what was a fantastic emotional arc for this character. Of all the long-play characters on Supernatural (of which their aren’t many!), Crowley went through the most remarkable changes, and no matter how many times he threatened, no matter if his eyes lit up red and smoked, no matter how much disdain with which he was usually treated, he could not kill those lumbering piles of flannel, because once he realised that hell held nothing for him, the Winchesters were all he had. They were his friends, for want of a better word, they sought him out for help, even if only to their benefit, and I think they made him feel worth that his life as the ruler of hell lacked. 

And in that moment where he sacrificed himself for their cause, he really did think that this would also be a final win for him, that he could trap Lucifer and have the last laugh…not a selfless sacrifice by any means, it was a Crowley sacrifice, one last “screw you”. Shame it was all for naught. I loved Crowley. I will miss him and his sassy interactions with the boys, but if he had to go, it was a good way to do it. I hope the boys mourn him…even just a little.

Castiel. I did not see this one coming! Not with the loss of Crowley only seconds earlier! I probably should have, but I didn’t! I thought Cas would make off with the Nephilim and we’d see the aftermath of that! I didn’t think Lucifer’s arm would come through the glowy rift and angel blade him! I was fully hand over mouth gobsmacked. I think I screamed out NOOOOOO with Dean.

Of course I also didn’t think he’d be gone for good. Crowley, yep I could see that, Cas, nope. Not Cas. And we know he won’t be, we all know that by now, worst kept spoiler on the planet! But it didn’t make Cas’ death any less shocking in the moment, and I’m sure it won’t make the emotional fallout any less heartbreaking.

Mary. To be honest, I thought Mary would die at the end of season 12. I thought her conversation with Kelly about dying for your kids was foreshadowing. I thought that maybe this would be done to show her true devotion to her sons and as a kind of ‘make good’ to them. I was ready to be annoyed, not because I love the Mary character so much, but because it felt wasteful. I was very happy that my predictions did not happen. Instead, in a very Swan Song moment, Lucifer pulled Mary into the rift with him as she tried to protect Sam and Dean. And then it sealed up behind her, just like the gates of hell did on Sam, leaving her sons behind, once again, with only each other. I kinda loved this a lot because we know we’re going to see more of Mary in this alternate Universe and I look forward to seeing who she is there and the friendships she makes, and I always love it when the boys are forced to lean more heavily on each other, because they truly are stronger together. 

Mary grew on me I guess, as the season neared its end, and when Dean finally put their water under the bridge, I could see that was also a release for her, a release from the guilt she felt for what her boys’ lives had become. I hope this will give us a different view of Mary, and new Mary. Mary version 3!

I loved how Swan Songish Mary's plight all was, and I was reminded of what Sam said to Dean, in the car on the way to Stull Cemetery, “Once the Cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky.” We just know they’re going to poke at it.

The Nephilim in the room. Creepy AF. CREEPY AF! Yellow eyes in the nursery. OMG. The symbolism was off the charts. Sam just lost his mum too…and then there were those glowing yellow eyes. I couldn’t even. I did joke that no wonder Kelly died in child birth, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT BABY! Heh. I don’t know what he’ll become. We know he’s powerful. Will he be evil? The old nature/nurture argument? Hmmmm… It sure was a cracker last shot of the season though. CREEEEEEEEEEPY AS FUCK!

Everything in between. I’m totally onboard with the glowy rift in space and time. The portal to an alternate world, which is a post-apocalyptic wasteland because the Winchesters never saved it, made me gasp at the possibilities (and squee because the world really would be like that without Sam and Dean!). All those alternate favourite characters! The promise of so many treats and so many terrors. I instantly wondered at what point that portal will open and the crap will flow into our world for Sam and Dean to muck up. Hey, at least the demons will be easier to spot with those horns!

I squeed when we saw Bobby…how I love Bobby…and then I was sad that he didn’t know who his boys were. I loved that he knew John, and Mary, but that they never married – that Mary spoke of John almost like he was the one that got away. I can’t wait until Bobby meets real world Mary!

I loved that Bobby called his gun Rufus, I smiled alongside Sam, and filled his gun with bullets made from angel blades, I got giddy alongside Dean - get melting, Dean! All of this was so nicely thought out and held so much promise, it made me truly excited for what is to come.

There was such utter devastation in All Along the Watchtower. The Winchester boys have had everything taken from them once again. This is what the show does to them. Whether it’s taking away one or the other, or making them complicit in a lie that we know will, in the end, rip them apart, or tearing everything they love down…this is the brothers’ lives, this is their forever fate…and we get to watch them rise up again, make the best of what they’ve got left and rebuild…because that’s who they are, and that’s why we love them.

“Dean: You know, it wasn't long ago, I thought we had it made. We saved the world. We got Cas back. We had Mom back. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but still, we had 'em. And now...

Sam: Now they're all gone.”

I can’t wait to see them fight to get it all back.

See you soon for season 13…AND I MEAN SOON!


  1. Amen, Amy, amen.....
    I can relate to your experience with rewatching the earlier seasons, too. Heartbreaking on a different level by now. I didnt even know I could still get equally emotional (or even more so) about scenes I've seen...5,6,7 or more times (let's leave it at that ;) ).

    So excited for season 13, right there biting my nails with you!

  2. Just finished re watching full series from Season 1-12. Of course, I read the reviews from (Sweetondean, IGN and Den of Geeks) after I finished each episode. At least I don't feel like watching them alone. Feeling like after almost every episode, I got to listen what other fans would think. Thanks for all the reviews. I really enjoyed them. Now off to watch Season 13 Ep 1. <3